Wednesday, February 14, 2007


On what will be remembered as a black day for the Potato Diaries, William Hardwick (57) has been exposed as a multiple voter in the Potato Poll. During his lunch break today, Hardwick was exposed as having voted for Dean 64 times. When questioned over the issue, Hardwick, a full time teacher laughed and said "I had nothing else to do so I just played some Sudoku and kept on voting". Multiple voting has been suspected in the past and it has even been suggested that Hardwick is responsible for a large number of Dean's 37 votes placed over the past few weeks. Hardwick has seemed listless and has spent increasing amounts of time on the internet. "He seems lost and I think he thought that a victory for Dean would fill that empty space in his life" an unnamed colleague told the Potato Diaries.

It was another colleague, Amanda Smith who blew the whistle on Hardwick and, although she begged to remain anonymous it was felt to be in the public interest that her identity be known.

Due to Hardwick's action, Dean has leaped to 47% of the vote, a full 40 votes ahead of Nina, darling of the Setsuko brigade. Daisy now trails behind on 16%. The election committee are considering removing Dean from the poll. The chairman spoke to us this evening. "I can't believe a family man of his age and in his position would risk everything in this way". Dean was unavailable for comment but sources say he has been seen with Hardwick on numerous occasions recently. Commentators believe that whatever the decision of the election authorities, this will utterly destroy any chance he may have had of taking this election.

Hardwick is in custody and was unavailable for further comment.


Anonymous said...

Dean Murphy is a star.

I'll have you know, I have been supporting this youthful Irish fellow ever since he was a new potato fresh from the country. How could you blight him like this, by casting him as not even worth a wash, yet alone ba(s)king in the heat of the oven .

I've seen him grow into the well-rounded 'tater he is today. Shame on you, you who brought him to Japan. You ought to be proud of him and his success here instead of trying to drop him in the masher without a thought for his future. Not many spuds reach the top of the charts so rapidly and with such obviously great competition on hand. Do I detect favouritism in this. He is a smashing young spud, well worth his salt.

What, I beg, is wrong with supporting someone with obvious talent? What can be wrong with encouraging a young spud like this to avoid the usual overly boiled pile of potatoes ? It is true he is a chip of the old block but just look at how he has developed, look him in the eye and say it was just me who got him where he is today. I will add a hearty 'nonsense' to his obvious contempt at the idea. Let him have his Buffalo Wings and not just become small fry hanging around MacDonalds all day long.

All of us have had a hand up in life, nothing wrong with that, and certainly, for a young'n like Dean, who surely was destined for the peelers sooner rather than later, you cannot deny he has achieved his sauteed position without so much as a family sized packet of crisps He is in his salad days...let him have it all. The time will come when you too will be foiled. One day you too will need buttering up a bit.

I beg you, don't let this chipper young lad go down the pan.Let him have his time in the sun. I'm sure his real pals don't begrudge him his slice of fame.

Do with me what you will.

Brian Cullen said...

Poor Dean. He would have won on the merits of his fine campaign. I was impressed by his promise of legislation for banning transfats and transpuds. He certainly had my vote, but I only had the one to offer.

I guess that Chip is the only candidate left with his integrity intact. A fine musician, a fine potato.

When the chips are down, vote for Chip.

sarahjaney said...

As the saying goes, there are two sides to every story. I'll wait to pass judgement until Mr. Hardwick has his say in the matter. Until then, I remain, impartially yours.